its the day before christmas. i should be happy. but i'm not. i have a sickly feeling at the bottom of my stomach. i want to burst into tears and shout but who will hear me. who will listen on christmas eve. noone wants to be sad on christmas eve. i'm truly alone. i miss andrea like mad. she should be here with all the gang in the condo. she should be with us and celebrating. i feel terrible. i dont want to eat or sleep or anything. i must be sick. i guess i'll feel better tomorrow with all the presents. but will i? i dont know.